My time is almost up! I go back to work tomorrow with a little trepidation. My reluctance stemming from wanting to be home nurturing my kids and husband.

If I could possibly afford to stay home, I would in a heartbeat. My baby is off to school next year :( He's been going to transition days at school the past few weeks, and thoroughly enjoying his time in the prep class. Despite our worries about his age (Ry won't turn 5 until Feb 23) he seems completely at ease, and all of our teachers are confident that he's ready and will be fine at school. I am also feeling confident, but also doubting myself a little.

Have I done the wrong thing working full time over the past two years?Would I be best to be home in his first year of school?
Hmm, I guess we make these decisions because they seem the best choice at the time, and there's nothing I can do to go back and change it, but I do wonder what to do from here, and whether my choice will be one I regret later?

I've had a lovely two weeks off, and have achieved many of the things I set out to do while at home.
Over the past two weeks I've;

• spent time at Kinder with Riley
• cooked yummy meals for my family (Gez does a lot of the cooking when I'm working)
• had the kids dental work done,
  
• drank wine, went out for dinner and had quality time with my husband
• had the dreaded meeting with 'B' (will update later)
• Had a 'girls day' or two with Tegan (clothes shopping and to see New Moon)
• read The DaVinci Code (finally), Angels and Demons and am partway through The Lost Symbol
  
• brought Christmas presents for the kids (don't even ask, it was nightmarish!)
  
• caught up with friends.

I also;







We are completely flat out until Christmas now, which will be spent at our house, with my parents, brother, sister and grandmother for lunch, before heading off to Gerard's parents farm for the last Christmas there before the move into town next year.

Next weekend we have M for respite again, and the following we're off to the Mornington Peninsula for a short beach break with my parents and siblings from Wednesday to Sunday. I'm looking forward to another little break, and then I have time off between Christmas and new years, before a long haul of School holiday activities at work for the last three weeks in January.
The guilt thing hits then, as the kids will spend most of their holidays either in daycare (school has a holiday program) or with their grandparents.

I know they will be fine, and take it all in their strides....they have before. And I know that my working allows us to take holidays with them and have nice things, but sometimes it seems a little ironic, that when I'm at work, I'm saving my annual leave and money to spend time with my kids, while I could be staying home, and spending time with them.

If I'm honest, I also know that working keeps another part of me content, the part that craves to use my brain, to make a difference somewhere other than within my home, and to spend time surrounded by learned adults. So, it's really not all about the money, but still, I struggle with the balance .

Do you struggle with these dilemmas? What do you choose? Work, Family, a mix of both?
How do you justify the decisions? Do you worry you might regret them?


Charli xo

I have two weeks off work. I really need it too. I finally went to the doctors after procrastinating for a few weeks (months) and she gave me some sick leave.
This stuff with 'B' has me on edge, and worrying about Gerard and Jackson's reaction to it all has made me forget about myself, so I've been shoving the feeling back inside, and of course that is making me run down. It doesn't help that my periods are coming way too often (every 20 days grrr) and are heavy.

Anyhow, I've made myself forget about work as much as I can, and focus on ME for a change, and hopefully being more relaxed, I won't be so horrid to everyone else. I so wish I could afford to have six or twelve months off, but it is just out of the question with three kids and thier sport, music etc.

I have a new baby cousin. Mum's sister had her last week, a girl after three boys! How lucky, she's going to be so treasured. Her name is Imogen Rose, which is a name I LOVE and in fact, a name Gerard and I had shortlisted if Riley had been a girl. We're going to see them in early December, which will be lovely.

Gerard is working tonight, and I have had two extra kids, so I'm totally exhausted (Gez didn't leave till after the kids were in bed thank goodness!!) Up early in the morning to get the kids off to school, and heading out of town with a girlfriend to go shopping between kinder hours :)

B see's Jack on Monday, feeling apprehensive and unsure how to go about it all, but just one step at a time until we work out something that fits for Jackson.

Must sleep now,

Charli xox

I got this from Melissa. It's tricky, the aim is to answer the questions with one word..which I probably can't do either :P

1.Where is your mobile phone? Handbag

2.Your hair? Icky

3.Your mother? Sweet

4.Your father? Busy

5.Your favorite food? Indian

6.Your dream last night? Ummm?

7.Your favorite drink? Kahlua

8.Your dream/goal? Raising good kids

9.What room are you in? Lounge

10.Your hobby? Fostercare?

11.Your fear? Losing Gerard or my children

12.Where do you want to be in 6 years? Paris

13.Where were you last night? Spa!

14.Something that you aren’t? Outgoing

15.Muffins? Cupcakes :)

16.Wish list item? 4bedroom house

17.Where did you grow up? Farm

18.Last thing you did? Visit Grandparents

19.What are you wearing? Havianas

20.Your TV? Old

21.Your pets? Cute

22.Friends? Reliable

23.Your life? Busy :S

24.Your mood? hmmm...

25.Missing someone? yes

26.Vehicle? Captiva

27.Something you’re not wearing? socks

28.Your favourite store? Myer

29.Your favorite colour? Green

29.When was the last time you laughed? Yesterday

30.Last time you cried? Ummmm????

31.Your best friend? Marissa

32.One place that you go to over and over? Mums

33.One person who emails me regularly? Work :(

34.Favourite place to eat? Home



Charli xox

Sunny Queensland here we come!

I booked flights on Saturday, after forfeiting the overseas idea for another year (too difficult to get Tegan a passport) and we fly on the 22nd Feb 2010!!
The kids are soooo excited, and have been researching together all the fun things to do near Surfers Paradise. Of course we will visit some theme parks, but I also plan to take a day cruise, snorkel somewhere and visit Brisbane. I am looking forward to booking our accomodation etc over the next month or so, and making plans!

We had a care team meeting re. Tegan on Friday evening, and the general idea is that the DHS will try to get a Guardianship Order at court in December. This means that Tegan will be in the custody on the DHS until she is 18 years of age and that her mother has no rights in any decisions made about/for Tegan. It also means that if we want to, Gerard and I can apply to the Magistrate for Permanant Care of her, meaning that the legal rights are transferred from DHS to us regarding Tegan. (basically we would have similar rights of any parents/adoptive parents)
It's a big decision to make, and one that Tegan will have a very influential say in, but I think it will probably be the direction we go.
She's just part of the family now, and the thing she needs most is stability. I think that will make a big difference to her next four years until she's 18.

Jackson's party was great, I will post some photos soon!
He's been emailing with *B* over the fast fortnight, and will meet him at the end of Nov. We're all struggling a little/lot with this, so Gerard, Jackson and I went to see a Family Therapist last week to help us with some strategies of coping with such a big change, and also how to cope with the HUGE tantrums Jackson is throwing at the moment. They're breaking my heart. The poor little thing is just getting so angry at trivial things, and he just doesn't know how to cope with it all. Hopefully this will help!

I'm at work ATM, so better get back into it, back with some party photos soon!