Motherhood: All love begins and ends there – Robert Browning

I am officially a SAHM for the next 8 months at least.
This is the first time I haven't worked in 5 years, and to be honest, i'm terrified.
I went to the Doctor today and got my medical certificate, and emailed my manager and HR officer when I got home.
I hope I can do this as well as I do my job.
                                                                                                                image from here

Here's the freckle's little home at 29 weeks. 11 weeks left to go, it's going so fast!!

I am feeling like i'm lugging around a bump now, and feeling a bit tuckered out, as my blood pressure is really low. It makes me feel like my limbs and chest are filled with lead by the afternoon when I get tired. The dr has agreed to give me a medical certificate to leave work, and I have an appointment next week.

I love my job, so it feels crappy leaving work so early, but my manager has sent me an appointment for my performance appraisal 6 weeks earlier than I expected, and given that she is so awful to work for, I just simply cannot even bring myself to think about going ahead with it, and am planning to leave next Wednesday.
It really sucks that it's come to this. I am so anxious about work, and I am really not looking after myself as well as I should be. On top of that, I feel I am little able to support Gez with his parents illnesses when I am so stressed all the time, and the kids are really feeling the tension in the house at the moment with both of us being pre-occupied.

We're off to Melbourne on the weekend to visit Gerard's father in hospital, visit my Aunty and Uncle in Mt Eliza and pick up Tegan from her Aunt and Uncle in Cranbourne (she has gone for a visit for the very first time tonight till Sat/Sun!!)

It's been a crazy, crazy few weeks in our life. Gerards dad is recovering again, so we just have to cross our fingers for no setbacks. His mum is living here in our town now, so we've been running around with/for her a bit, as she too suffers ill-health (only twelve months ago having two heart valves replaced).
I visited the doctor yesterday and he's agreed to issue me a medical certificate for work in a months time. Although it feels strange to be finishing up so early, I simply cannot work with this manager any longer without having to make formal complaints (have been in contact with my Union, who have been pushing this direction as my manager is being very unpleasant to work with since I announced my pregnancy - I posted about that here) and I just don't have the energy to do that at the moment.

I am feeling much more relaxed with the end in sight, but sad that it has come to this, a point where I don't want to go to work each day. I've been working at our office almost 5 years, and have loved my job, so I can only hope that this superviser moves on so that I can go back after mat. leave and enjoy my work again.
So, this means I am going to be home a whole 8 weeks before the bub is due, and what I'm going to do in that time I have absolutely no idea, but I have a feeling my days will fill up quickly!! I definately have heaps of study to catch up on, having put it on hold with all that's going on with family etc.

My belly is expanding very quickly, and the bub is moving around as much as ever. I really hope he uses all his energy while in the womb, and settles down after he arrives, cos he really hardly stops! I wake up in the night all the time to him jabbing me with his legs and wriggling his fingers in my tum!!

Here I am last week at 28 weeks:

Gez and I both really like the name Felix for the baby, but are a little worried as a couple people we have shared with have been negative about the name. I know it doesn't matter what others think, but at the same time I'd hate for him to be teased for his name. We only have a couple of other choices, none of which seem perfect, but we have a couple months to decide, so not stressing too much about it.

Best get some sleep now,

Charli xox

Well, we are home, and exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Gerard's father spent the weekend in ICU, and when I arrived on Saturday, the following day after Gerard, it was hard to believe he could possibly make it through the night.
He did though, and they are starting to wean him off the ventilator over the next day or so. We cannot get too excited, as this time is his fifth in ICU over the past 13 weeks in hospital. He is not out of danger by any means, but for now, we feel ok being home with the children, and Gerard will go back on Thursday for the weekend.

Mum and Dad had the kids for the two nights Gerard and I were both in Melbourne, and we feel so so blessed to have them. I had to have 'that talk' to the three of them on Friday afternoon, which was heartbreaking, and each of them reacted differently, with Tegan locking herself in her room most of the weekend, Jackson acting out, unable to understand or process his feelings at all unless we verbalised them for him, and then he would break down in uncontrollable tears, and Riley being restless. My parents are absolute heros to have managed all that with such wonderful grace and patience.

On top of all that, our town flooded while we were away. It was not as bad as predicted, but still quite stressful to be out of town and not knowing what was happening at home. Tegan found it quite traumatic, and mum spent a lot of time reassuring her over the weekend.

I've taken work off today to rest, and Gez has finished his job in town now, so he's home for a couple of days before starting his new job. I have decided to work until the beginning of October, take my sick leave and then maternity leave at the end of October. This will give me six weeks at home before the baby arrives, and hopefully our house has sold by then!!!

Gerard's father had another turn for the worse last night, and is in ICU on a breathing machine, and under light sedation. We don't know what's wrong, but it is a big setback in a string of up's and down's. Gerard left to go down this morning and will probably stay the weekend.
I think I am going to have to think about preparing the boys...but it's so hard to say those words out loud, to myself let alone my children.

I'm very worried.
For Gerard's Mum and brothers
 for Gerard, who adores his father,
for my kids, who Poppy dotes on.

So much is going on at the moment that it's been difficult to dedicate time to writing here. Gerard and I had a lovely four day break in Tassie for the National Foster Care Conference last week, and are straight back into it again now.
Gerard finishes work next week, but we're trying to organise for him to leave a little early, as his father is still in hospital and unwell. Melbourne is a 2.5 hr drive for us, so he's only really been doing day trips and seeing his father for short periods. I'm really pushing for him to go for a couple of days to really spend time with his dad, as Eddie is starting to get depressed and angry in hospital after so long, without much improvement.

The new job starts this month, and we're a little worried about juggling the boys, as we have a great system happening here where Gerard is home on Monday nights to pick them up from school, and the other nights either myself of my grandma picks them up. We have been very lucky this way, and the boys come home every night after school. When Gerard is working out of town, there are no guarantees about what time he will finish, so it will be a bit of a juggle until I finish up at work.

I don't think it will be too long before I throw in the towel at work to be honest. I am being treated very badly and not enjoying being there at all. It's as if i've already left, and my manager is handing everything over to the other lady who is acting in my role for the six moths I'm on maternity leave. I am a bit worried about whether she is trying to get me fired before I take my leave as it would save them heaps, so I am thinking about leaving when I'm about 33 weeks pregnant. It's five weeks before I planned to leave, but not so early that it's unreasonable. I know it's not really ideal for our finances, but the environment i'm in is just not a nice place to be while I'm trying to grow a healthy baby.

The house is getting a bit of interest, we've had a few people through, another this evening, so just got to cross our fingers and hope the right buyer comes along. The sooner we sell, the better, as we can then pay the mortgage and move out to the rental place we are getting out of town. I am looking forward to a more relaxed lifestyle, and seeing Gez learning and enjoying his new job.

Here are some pics of our antic the past few weeks to leave you with :)

A fun trip to the snow with our friends Andrea, Megan, Evelyn and Imogen!

Mum's belly - a couple of weeks ago at 24 weeks (must take a recent shot cos I'vegrown heaps!)
Our view of Hobart and beautiful snow-topped Mt Wellington from the Motel room we stayed in - notice the rainbow? How lucky was Gerard to get these shots from our window!