I took Felix to have his photo's taken by a girl in town who is just starting out in digital photography of babies and families. She did an amazing job, and for only a small cost we get a disk of the pictures! Felix was an angel, at six days old - slept through almost the entire shoot!!
Anna hasn't finished putting our disk together yet, but here are a couple she gave me before Christmas;

Well, here I am...back online sans one basketball belly and pro one gorgeous, sweet smelling, cuddly little newborn, isn't he just the sweetest?

Felix Elijah joined us earthside on Saturday 11th December, three days after he was 'due' to arrive and after around 8hrs of labour. He weighed in at a healthy 3500g (7lb12oz) and 50cm length.
Felix's birth story is a little eventful, and I shall get to onto writing it asap, but in the meantime, some pics of Felix's first couple of days :)

Freshly baked - still a little purple!

''He's got blonde hair!!''

Meeting his big brothers The next day - meeting Felix with Mummy (I hemorrhaged and was unable to see visitors the first day)  New Big Brother! Tegan and Felix Jackson is in love!!!! I am home with the four kids all on school holidays for the next six weeks, which almost makes me break out in hives thinking about lol! trying to get into Christmas with lots of carols and Christmas cooking with the kids, but will try and get Felix's birth story on here soon!

Back to the short and sweet birth stories of my boys. Today it's Riley, who's birth was a completely different experience to that I had with Jackson.
Riley was due in Feb 2005. It was the longest, hottest most uncomfortable summer of my life!! I didn't gain as much weight while pregnant with Riley, but with the heat of summer, and the fact that we were renting a house with only one (questionable) air-con, I was completely over it by about 37 weeks!
I joked pleaded with my doctor several times in my 39th week to 'get this baby out', and was completely sick of the whole affair and anticipating another overdue bub.

A week before he was due to arrive, I started havingh contractions while at a friend's house. They lasted most of the day, and after dinner we decided to leave Jackson there over night as we were pretty sure 'this was it'. By midnight it had come to a halt, only adding to my frustration!
The following week, on the day of his due date, the 23rd Feb, I woke at 5.30am with an almighty contraction. It was stronger than any I had felt through almost the entire labour with Jackson, and I got a bit of a shock when they contined irregularly in this fashion for most of the day. Again frustrated however, that I would go for several hours with no contractions - then get three or four enormous ones in a row. Called the midwives at the hospital, who said not to worry about coming in until they were five mins or less apart or my waters were broken.

By 5.30pm on the same day, I was cranky, tired from the extreme pain of the (irregular) contractions and called the hospital again to see if I could see my Dr (to beg for him to get this baby out NOW lol)
I arrived there at 6, and surprisingly, by that time had started to get regular strong contractions, and was feeling a little more optimistic about the possibility of meeting my baby in the next 24 hours.
Imagine my surprise when I was announced to be 8cm dilated already, after only half an hour or less of 'regular' contractions! My waters were broken (although when I think on it now I'm not sure why?) and Riley arrived fast and furious with only the gas for pain relief just after 7pm - only an hour since we arrived at the hospital with irregular contractions!!!

Unfortunately, although the birth was very short, I felt shock at him coming so fast, and found it much more difficult to bond with my second son. This, coupled with Gerard and his family visiting and holding Riley at every opportunity, and the extreme after-birth pains and let-down pains I was experiencing for the first time (I had neither with Jackson) it took me a while to get to know him.

I am determined this time to be ready for a quick labour if it happens, and to make sure I get the breastfeeding thing working before I leave the hospital, but am confident after my two very different experiences of birth, I could handle almost anything!!

Considering this week is all about labour and birth for me - being that I'm going to be doing it all again at any moment - I thought I might share some memories from my experiences with my other two baby boys.
Each were very different, and I will be interested to compare the three after our little freckle arrives anytime in the next 10 days!

Tomorrow is my 'due' date. We concieved this baby on the 17th of March this year according to the calculations the www is giving me, based on my regular 26 day menstrual cycle.
I've been here twice before.
It's a nice feeling to get to today and feel you have 'made it', despite that there is such a long way to go.

In October 2002, my Jackson was due on the 9th, and arrived on the 19th. The weather was mild in October, and although I had gained many kilograms during the pregnancy, I was comfortable and not too stressed at all about being 'overdue'. There was no talk yet of being induced. There was very little stress.
Contractions started evenly and lightly at about 10pm on the 17th October while I was staying at my parents house, and I was far too excited to sleep (bad move!) I laboured slowly and steadily all evening and all the next day - finally caving and heading to hospital on Friday 18th at around 6pm. I was given panadiene and told to get some sleep...and after a couple of hours contractions slowed. In the morning things picked up a little, but after a couple of nights without sleep I was exhausted and not coping with the continuous pain and decided to have an epidural. The doctor broke my waters at around 11am, I was given a shot of pethidine (started to have a panic attack) and the epi was put in about midday. Mum was my support during labour, and she was incredible! I found that the epidural wore off (far too) often over the next few hours, but this turned out to bee a positive thing for the next stage of labour, as I was able to push my baby out without help. He arrived slowly and steadily - just like the labour at 8.07pm on Saturday 19th October - 10 days after his EDD and after 38 hours of labour.

I thought he was the most incredible thing I had ever seen - literally thought I was holding an angel in my arms in my drugged, eurphoric haze after giving birth. We snuggled skin to skin for a long period, and he fed straight away in the time after birth. Most visiters began to arrive the following morning, so I had all night to look at my baby and get to know him, and from the moment he arrived he was all mine. We fed easily, and he fed to sleep from birth, making feeding and co-sleeping a breeze. Despite the circumstances surrounding us during the pregnancy, long labour, and my being a single mother - Jackson's birth and newborn-hood were beautiful and calm.

I am halfway through the 38th week of my pregnancy, leaveing me with less than two before that magical date - the 8th December. Obviously I could be still sitting here with this belly for another three weeks...but lets worry about that if/when it happens!

I am getting more and more excited about our impending arrival, and surprised at how different this pregnancy has been in comparison to my other two boys.
I have craved very little this time around, and any cravings have been short lived, and mostly involved fruit, juice or icypoles. I've craved tomatoes, watermelon, strawberries and at the moment it's (hella-expensive) crunchy nectarines. Other than that I've craved orange juice, quelch icypoles, straight ice and (for a short period) iced coffee.

I've gained very little weight -So far I have gained about 5.5kg which sometimes makes me feel a little anxious, as I certainly gained the reccomended amount (and some!!) with both the other two boys. I feel tiny this time, and feel a little silly about the whingeing I did way back here about my friends and their tiny basketball bumps - cos that's exactly what I look like this time around. My appetite has decreased hugely over the past 9mths, and I find that I am eating portion sizes half what I would have before the pregnancy. I do snack a lot more on fruit during the day though.

Since Jackson starting the Ritalin, life here and the 'tone' of our home and family has changed dramatically. Jackson's tantrums have gone from being near-constant to less than four a week - and they are not nearly as bad as before. My (and the entire family's) stress level has decreased hugely, and we are all feeling calm and relaxed - I truly never would have thought it could be as good as it is right now, after what we have been through the past few months. I have been able to enjoy being pregnant and truly look forward to meeting our new little family member, without stressing about how we will manage around Jack.

Here's the bump and I last wednesday at exactly 38 weeks:

Things have done an 'about turn' for us recently on a few different fronts.

• Gerard's father passing has left his mother living in our town, alone in a large, brand new house.
• His new job, whilst being a positive move for him on many levels, may not be somewhere he stays long-term.
• Jackson's issues have extended to school, and for the first time are being acknowledged there, meaning we are finally being better supported by his teachers. 
• Intervention from the Paediatrician, OT and Speech Therapist are being engaged - all of which we access in our town.
•  I am becoming increasingly anxious about feeling isolated with a newborn, as most of my close friends have children the same ages as my boys - and have 'passed' the baby stage.

All of these things have decided for us that moving out of town, to a new school and away from the kids extra curricular activities, playgroups, Gerard's mother and my grandmother (who is 85 and spends a lot of time with us - including several meals each week) is not an ideal step for us now, despite the obvious benefits I spoke about here.

This means we are going to stay put for a while, and make do with the six of us living in our three bedroom house. It's not perfect - we will be squashy, and we are looking into ways we can extend our home economically without feeling like we are simply 'tacking on a room'.

In the meantime, I am sitting at home, in my final weeks of pregnancy, desperately wanting to 'nest'...and having no nursery to decorate, walls to paint, space to create for our little boy-o. So, I am improvising.
His change area is set up in our lounge, and the cradle has a little corner in our bedroom. I am swooning over beautiful nurseries on the net - but for now am making do (and saving $$$)

Here's a peek at the spaces he will occupy around our home:

I've been meaning to get on here for a few days and say that things are starting to look up. Jack has seen the paed again, and unfortunately/or fortunately (???) is not displaying enough signs/symptems of any one behavioural disorder (rather an eclectic and somewhat confusing mix of several) to get a quick diagnosis, however the next few months will visit with a speech therapist and paediatric occupational therapist to help figure out where his strengths and weaknesses lie. He has also started on a minimum dose of ADHD medication, again as a diagnostic tool. We had great success with the medication for the first five days, but have just encountered a couple of bad days too. At school he seems more settled however, and this was our main concern, as his academic ability is very high when he is able to concentrate.

I am getting quite big now, although I am certain I am not as big as with the other two, having only gained about 5-6kg. I am feeling the heat in the afternoon now, and turned the evaporative cooling on this afternoon for the first time. We have decided on the little freckle's name now, and I have been starting to think about washing clothes and linen. I have a cute little stash of mcn's as well as trusty flats, so my fingers are crossed that Gerard will get the hang of cloths and disposables will rarely grace our little freckle's bum.

Here's the freckle and I at 36 weeks

I know, I know, I'm back already! This must be a record for me!

This pregnancy has gone soooo fast, like I blinked and missed it! I am noticing things I never noticed with the other two pregnancies, like how utterly exhausted I am, and people's reactions to my ever-expanding mid section!
I got a bit of a shock the other day when out getting supplies for Jackson's birthday dinner, at how many people in stores gave me that 'extra special smile'. I'm not sure if it's because you look so maternal, or if it's because they feel sorry for you, but either way, I'm starting to get them lol!

As well as 'the smile', I've begun to recieve extra special treatment when queueing at the supermarket. People take one look at my tum, and feel the need to let me through, and the other day I even had one of the store atendee's look for the fastest queue for me...wtf? Others see me loading my car, and ask if I need a hand, of hand me my shopping bags and say 'will you be alright with those'
It's all part of it I guess, but for goodness sake, I have a whole 7 weeks to go, do I really look like I can't manage 10 rissoles and a kilo and a half of sausages Mr Butcher?

It is interesting to note though, that I didn't really notice this extra attention when I was pregnant with the other two. Maybe because I was such a 'Young Mum' then (17 with Jackson and 19 with Ry)?
Maybe that's why I sound a little ungrateful for all the attention - I'm not, really, but, you know it feels a tad strange that I would be treated so differently this time, just because I'm a few years older....

Anyhoo, here's me and the Freckle at 33 weeks: ('scuse the crappy iPhone pic)

Being that this is baby number three for me, and baby boy number three no less, you'd think I'd have been all stocked up and not need to purchase much at all. However, with an almost 6 year gap between the last bub and this one, I had given away almost everything from my previous babies, including the last bag of clothes that I had been holding onto all that time!

So, this meant that on revisiting those ominous double lines back in March, Gez and I have had to start from scratch in the baby-gear department, and let me tell you now, it could have been a very pricey excersise!!!
Cots cost around $400-$600 (for a mid range one) Rockers/swings from around $80-$180 and prams start at a couple of hundy at Target, right into the thousands! Holy Crap!!!

If there is one thing that working hard for my money for the past five years has done, it's make me much more aware of my spending, and what I deem 'essential' vs 'non essential items. For this bub, I've been lucky enough to have a few items given/loaned to us, saving us quite a lot of dough - including these beauties:

 Pretty lucky hey, this has saved us a fortune, along with the odd couple of things we had kept for foster care including a baby capsule and baby bjorn carrier.
This only left us with a couple of 'necessary' items to worry about, like a pram and a cot (which we've been offered a lend now!) so we have been able to be a little more free'd up for me to buy 'luxury' or 'non-essential', in other words 'fun' items!

Here are a few of my favourite purchases - it will be interesting to look back after bub arrives and see if they get used as much as I hope!




Mini monkey sling $69  - I can really see myself baby-wearing a lot this time, without having to worry about a toddler at my feet, and I noticed with Ry that I really couldn't b/feed with the baby bjorn, so decided to give a sling a try for this bub.




    



Isoki baby bag -  This one was purely a luxury for me lol!












Tiger Tribe Elephant Mobile $39 - Again, not a neccesity at all, but I LOVE elephants, and if this bub ever has a nursery, I would decorate it with an elephant theme. In the meantime, I couldn't walk past this mobile! I love the colours too, the brown, green and powder blue look gorgeous together!



Another thing that we are considering before bub arrives is buying a DSLR camera. It's a huge expense for someone who has no idea how to use one, but the quality of the pics the DSLR takes is amazing, and i'd love to learn while I have a gorgeous little subject to practice on!

We decided very early on to use cloth nappies this time round, and I have been gradually building up a little stash of Baby Beehinds. What we have should last the first 6-8mths or so, and then I'll ebay them and get some more. The stash looks like this at the moment and has set us back around $250 (still WAY less than we'd spend on 'sposies in that time - and oh so cute!):
So, wow, even though I didn't have to make those big purchases, I still seem to have spent a fair amount on this little one, despite vowing to keep costs down as much as possible. Hopefully I can come back in a few months time and report that my purchases were well worth the cost, and that I don't have any regrets...and if not, there's always Ebay!!

Here's a parting pic of the freckle's stretch-marky home at 31 weeks :)



'Til next time,
Charli xo

My fifth day as a SAHM and first day the kids have been at school;

• I don't wash our bedding nearly enough. Now, don't get any images of filthy sheets in your head, I mean, I do wash them, fairly regularly. But, as I pulled them off the line today and made the beds up again, I remembered just how AMAZING it is to jump into fresh clean sheets every week. I forgot I used to do that, the time between has stretched out quite a lot while I've been working and since my cleaning lady ditched me for a full time possie (I know, how dare she???) prior to christmas last year.

• My washing machine actually doesn't chew up the socks. I managed to find the other halves to dozens of the odd ones which have been accumulating in a 'green bag' for the past few months. 

• I make brilliant chocolate chip cookies. Enough said!

•  My washing machine possibly does chew up the buttons at the end of the quilt covers. Grrrr, seriously, the kids quilt covers are down to a measly one or two buttons holding the quilts in. Must make a trip to the shops tomorrow to get some new ones and spend some time sewing!

In other news;
- I am yet to hear from my HR manager about what they are going to do about the 8 weeks leave I am taking prior to my Maternity leave. I don't want to take the Mat. leave early, so if they don't do anything better for me I will ask to take my leave at half pay from now on to stretch it out. 

 - I am 31 weeks on Wednesday, and off for my very first 4D scan on Friday! Gez has opted out - he doesn't want to see bub now till he's born, but I promised mum when she missed out on the last u/s, so she's coming with me :) I'm really excited to see our bubba again.

 - We brought a pram last night. I wasn't really sure what to do about a pram, not wanting to spend a fortune, but aware that It would be silly to buy a pram without the option of a toddler seat considering that we often 
take foster care placements of younger children. In the end, we caved to the gorgeousness and practicality of the Phil & Teds Explorer. A nice big package should arrive on my doorstep in the next week. I didn't purchase the toddler seat yet, but at least the option is there when/if the need arises.

- Jackson has been driving us INSANE with a major sensory issewe with socks. Yep, socks. He throws a tantrum every morning about them, claiming that the seams hurt his feet. He gets himself so worked up over it and it was becoming a major source of stress every day, so I scoured Target yesterday until I scored - THE ONLY pairs of seamless socks in the whole store.  I brought 6 two packs in two different sizes, and for the first time this morning Jackson didn't scream the house down when he couldn't find 'comfortable' socks. HEAVENLY!!


Thats about it for now, back soon xox



 

Here's the freckle's little home at 29 weeks. 11 weeks left to go, it's going so fast!!

I am feeling like i'm lugging around a bump now, and feeling a bit tuckered out, as my blood pressure is really low. It makes me feel like my limbs and chest are filled with lead by the afternoon when I get tired. The dr has agreed to give me a medical certificate to leave work, and I have an appointment next week.

I love my job, so it feels crappy leaving work so early, but my manager has sent me an appointment for my performance appraisal 6 weeks earlier than I expected, and given that she is so awful to work for, I just simply cannot even bring myself to think about going ahead with it, and am planning to leave next Wednesday.
It really sucks that it's come to this. I am so anxious about work, and I am really not looking after myself as well as I should be. On top of that, I feel I am little able to support Gez with his parents illnesses when I am so stressed all the time, and the kids are really feeling the tension in the house at the moment with both of us being pre-occupied.

We're off to Melbourne on the weekend to visit Gerard's father in hospital, visit my Aunty and Uncle in Mt Eliza and pick up Tegan from her Aunt and Uncle in Cranbourne (she has gone for a visit for the very first time tonight till Sat/Sun!!)

It's been a crazy, crazy few weeks in our life. Gerards dad is recovering again, so we just have to cross our fingers for no setbacks. His mum is living here in our town now, so we've been running around with/for her a bit, as she too suffers ill-health (only twelve months ago having two heart valves replaced).
I visited the doctor yesterday and he's agreed to issue me a medical certificate for work in a months time. Although it feels strange to be finishing up so early, I simply cannot work with this manager any longer without having to make formal complaints (have been in contact with my Union, who have been pushing this direction as my manager is being very unpleasant to work with since I announced my pregnancy - I posted about that here) and I just don't have the energy to do that at the moment.

I am feeling much more relaxed with the end in sight, but sad that it has come to this, a point where I don't want to go to work each day. I've been working at our office almost 5 years, and have loved my job, so I can only hope that this superviser moves on so that I can go back after mat. leave and enjoy my work again.
So, this means I am going to be home a whole 8 weeks before the bub is due, and what I'm going to do in that time I have absolutely no idea, but I have a feeling my days will fill up quickly!! I definately have heaps of study to catch up on, having put it on hold with all that's going on with family etc.

My belly is expanding very quickly, and the bub is moving around as much as ever. I really hope he uses all his energy while in the womb, and settles down after he arrives, cos he really hardly stops! I wake up in the night all the time to him jabbing me with his legs and wriggling his fingers in my tum!!

Here I am last week at 28 weeks:

Gez and I both really like the name Felix for the baby, but are a little worried as a couple people we have shared with have been negative about the name. I know it doesn't matter what others think, but at the same time I'd hate for him to be teased for his name. We only have a couple of other choices, none of which seem perfect, but we have a couple months to decide, so not stressing too much about it.

Best get some sleep now,

Charli xox

I have never been one to have crazy cravings during my pregnancy, it just seems to be a few things that come and go.

With Jackson, I remember craving pickle and cheese sandwiches, oranges, iced coffee/chocolate and sultana bran. With Ry it was KFC burgers, frosty fruit icypoles,sultana bran (again) and vegemite toast.
Both times however, I crunched ice the whole time I was pregnant. Like, bags and bags and bags of crushed ice. I ate it by the cupfull, and as soon as my cup was empty I was onto the next.

This time (so far) is different, I am not even remotely interested in ice. Instead, for the most part, something I LOVE today, will make me gag tomorrow. There are some exceptions though, and at the moment I am craving tomotoes on anything - sandwiches, vita-wheat biscuits, toasted turkish bread etc. The other thing is cold, fresh fruit, mostly berries, cherries and melons. Also, orange juice, I drink it by the litre!

So, i'm interested, what did/do you crave in pregnancy?

So, here goes.

Gez works as a mechanic in our little country town  in N.E Victoria. He's 37 years old, and left school to start an apprenticeship at the end of year 11 - more than 20 years ago!!! The thing is, he started his apprenticeship at the very place he works to this day. Now, he's had a couple of years off, working elsewhere in that time, but the reality is that he's been working for the same people, and quite a lousy wage for most of 20years.

He's been tossing up options for a change in career/job for most of the seven years I've known him, and never been quite happy with what he's doing. It's not that he doesn't like the work he does - It's just more the people he works with and the monotany of it.

Recently though, this has been starting to play on our minds a little. We are expecting our third bub, which will actully be the fourth child in our family, and I will have reduced income for 6mths, and after that will have to make a decision about going back to work. We need a bigger house, but this means a bigger mortgage and no flexibility for either of us to make any changes/reduction in our jobs. It was getting a little daunting to be honest, and I have been stressed about the whole schemozzle!

Last night, Gerard visited a neighbour of my parents who live on a farm out of town. They have offered him full time work of their farm and a huge farmhouse to rent at a good rate. The pay is not anything to party about, but it IS more than he earns now, with opportunities for overtime hours paid out as lump sum or time off.
The big plusses for us though, are the lifestyle and the schooling. The boys would attend the little country school we visited before the holidays and would have acres apon acres of land to muck about in, climb trees, keep baby animals and just be kids! 
I would be nearer to my parents (quite literally a few minutes away) but a little more isolated with the bub. There would be plenty of opportunity for making new friends with other school mums though, so I think I'd be ok, and let's face it, it's only 15mins out of town, so I can always just pop in!

I am happy about the prospect, especially for Gerard. It will mean he gets experience on state of the art machinery, and be out of the extreme temperatures of the mechanics workshop, which plays havok on his shoulder and back. He will do something different week to week, and be working for a hugely productive farm, where he can feel like he's valued for his skills.

We won't have a mortgage or car loan after the house sells, and will just invest the profit for later down the track, meaning that I don't have to worry about going back to work for as long as I want to be home with the kids and new bub - WAY LESS PRESSURE!

So now, all that's left is for us to look at the house and make sure we'll be happy living there, organise a new Captiva while Gez is still working for Holden and GIVE NOTICE!! We would wait till the house sells before we move to the farm (which is separate from where the owners live) and then just live there for as long as we need/want.

I hope it works out, it will be such a change for us, an really not a long term solution (we don't want to be renting forever, and will want to build/buy after a couple of years) but such a breath of fresh air to have the opportunity to just chill out for a while, knowing that Gerard's income will cover all our living expenses (rather than just-barely covering the mortgages and groceries), and anything on top of that will be extra.

So, I haven't really done much of a blog post about the pregnancy, but I thought, for the sake of remembering after the fact, I should get on here and jot down some details.

I'm half way now, 20 weeks. I still just look knid of podgy, but the preggo belly thing is starting to happen in the last week or so. Still wearing all my normal clothes, but my work pants are starting to need tyhe top button undone. Pleased to still fit my jeans though!!

I had a Midwives visit yesterday, as we have chosen shared care for this pregnancy. I chose this option because I'm pretty certain that my previous Ob didn't deliver either of my babies, and I like the opportunity to get to know the people who will be there!

I live in a small country town, and lucky for me, it has gorgeous, huge Maternity suites, where there is a queen bed, comfy chair, table and chairs, my own bathroom etc, and not only do I birth my bub there, but it is my room for the entire stay (unless they run out after the birth and need the room for another labouring mum) and Gez can stay with us at night if he wants. It's fantastic, and one of the perks of being outside the city. So far there are only 7 births booked in for the whole of Dec, so it's looking like it will be a nice quiet stay!!

So, back to the appointment, my uterus is measuring 22cm, and bubba's heart rate was 156bpm. I weigh 57cm, and at 156cm tall puts my BMI at 22. I actually have not put on a single kg yet, which is not like my other pregnancies, but i'm not complaining, because with both boys my belly was ENORMOUS!! (I will pop some photo's in after the weekend to prove it!! Cos, you know, I really mean enormous) Maybe this means I will be a tad smaller this time.....um, please???

I am feeling him kick every day, and while the past two weeks he's been in quite the routine, kicking on the dot at 1pm and 8pm, the past couple of days he's been moving all day!! It's not quite the pleasant feeling I remember with the boys, I think because the placenta is at the front, so I am feeling all his kicks to my internal organs grrr. Not complaining though, because even though it's a little uncomfortable, I like the constant reminder that he's inhabiting my body. (The boys tell me "Mummy, did you know that you are a house? Our baby's house!")

I am LOVING looking through all the cool baby clothes available online, and so far have made a couple cute purchases!

We have also decided whole-heartedly to do the cloth nappy thing, so have been scouring ebay for bargain mcn's as well as making my own shaped nappies to go under baby-beehinds covers I've brought. I have always preferred the idea of cloth, and used terry flats for some time with Jackson, but I must admit It got 'easy' to use sposies when his wet nappied soaked through quicker as he got older, and with Riley, Gerard flat refused, and I had a toddler keeping my on my toes. I only recently came across the world of MCN's and am looking forward to seeing my bub's cute nappy bum :) and those colourful naps gracing my clothesline!

Yep, you guessed it, we're having another bubba boy. We had our ultrasound today, and he's all healthy and squirmy in there. I have to be honest here and say that at the moment I'm feeling a little, well, not upset, not disappointed, but as though I've missed out on something.

You see, everyone I know has a daughter. I don't know anyone who only has sons. I ADORE my boys, and I must admit I felt pretty daunted at the idea of having a girl after experiencing and becoming familiar with raising boys. But..I dunno, now that it's real, and most definately a boy, I feel a little robbed of an experience I probably will never have now, one I never questioned that I would experience.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, and part of me is feeling so damn guilty and ashamed that I feel this way, but there it is, I feel a loss. Excited about a new, snuggly little boy in our family, but in the background, a loss of the experience of a daughter of my very own.

It is always so exciting to see that picture on the screen, and I anxiously waited for the 3D part to begin, and the sonographer never did it, so i'm thinking about going back at about 28 weeks to try it out, as I have never had a 3D scan before. I went and brought a little Peter Rabbit baby record book after the scan, so I have somewhere to record all the firsts and such, but I am itching to sell the house and make a decision on what we are doing so I can create a space for this new little bubba, and focus on making him part of our family.

I am so blessed

I've been really anxious lately. There is just so much happening, and so much needing to be done that is being put on hold that I just feel a little helpless.
It's really late, which has been the case many an evening lately, where I finally drag myself to bed after midnight, despite a haze of fatigue which seems to have settled over me lately and refuse to budge. So, in order to get some stuff out i'm gonna dot point it. (I know, I know boring.....so shoot me)

• Gez's father is dong ok and has been out of intensive care a few days now after an almost three week stint. He had a benign tumour removed from his brain, which was causing him to have little balance and slurred speech among other things. The surgeon was pleased to have removed around 70%of the tumour. HOWEVER...since coming out of surgery, Eddie has developed a paralysis in his throat. This means he must have a tracheaotomy(sp) tube to breathe and he cannot swallow anything. the family are all devestated, and are running Gez's mum down to Melbourne every second or third day, so Ges has been twice a week for the past month. It's wearing us down, but we just have to keep plugging along and be positive.
• I am incredibly behind in my study, and have three assignments due in the next fortnight which I haven't even looked at. Grrr i'm so cross with myself, but I just cannot seem to get motivated.
• Our house needs to go on the market ASAP, so we can try to sell before I take Maternity leave and lose half my income. Pressure to sell is getting to me at the moment, and I walk around our house seeing every imperfection and all the clutter and just don't know where to start.
• My lower back and hips are KILLING me. I saw the doctor yesterday who referred me to a physio, but is not making any promises it will make much difference. Some days are ok, others are agony and I can barely walk by mid afternoon. I am grateful that it is not every day, and making the most of the good days and trying not to make a fuss - Gez has enough to deal with at the moment!
  

All the stuff that's going on and the strain I'm feeling as a result, has come out in me as anxiety about the baby. I've been stressing about every little thing, and was so relieved last night to finally feel some movement in my belly :) It felt a bit like a silver lining, and I'm so pleased it chose now to make it's presence felt to me. I am trying hard to cherish every moment of this, and not take for granted the experience.

That's it for now, but I'm thinking some pics might be in order shortly :)
Oh, and we will find out the sex of the baby in a fortnight. Gez is adamant about finding out, and he has the kids on side. I booked in for the scan on the 9th July.

This past couple of weeks have been incredibly hectic. Gerard’s father has had a brain tumour removed and is recovering in Hospital. It has been very touch and go the past 10 days, as he lost feeling in his throat, and got a lung infection, so has been in ICU at St Vincent’s Private for the past 10 days out of 15 in hospital. He will be in Melbourne a couple more weeks yet, and then be transferred to a local hospital if all is going well. Hopefully, by the time he is well enough to come home, their new house will be built, and he can go straight into it, where he is close to us and the hospital, and away from the cold, out-of-town farmhouse they are in at the moment.

News on The Bump:
I am beginning to get a little bump, but it’s not very noticeable yet. I was getting a bit frustrated last week, as people from work would ask how far along I was, and then say “14 weeks? You don’t even have a belly yet” and "Shouldn’t you be bigger by now? My *daughter/niece…insert relevant pregnant family member here* is only *insert smaller number of gestational weeks than I here* weeks and she’s much bigger than you”

For goodness sake, can’t people just say I look lovely, or, well, nothing at all? I was not only getting annoyed at my ‘lack of swelling tum’ but also vaguely alarmed that so-and-so’s sister’s husband’s cousin, who is ONLY 11 weeks along, is soooo much bigger around the middle than I, and did that mean that there was something wrong with my baby?

Anywho, I have consoled myself with more than one block of Cadbury Coconut Rough chocolate, and the knowledge that it will only be another couple of months and those same people will be giving their opinions about just how many babies I might
be carrying in my *huge* belly!!

The House
So, the next big thing is our not-so-big house (a cosy, three bedroom Californian Bungalow style house) and how exactly we are going to accommodate our not-so-small-and-ever-growing family.

Gerard usually manages any refurbishing type jobs around our home, from plastering and painting, to gardening, building outdoor entertainment areas and mounting spas. However, I decided that with all that he has on his plate at the moment while his father is ill, it is just too much to ask him to get our house ready for sale as well.
I’ve been getting a little stressed about this, as I only have four and a half months left of work until I take maternity leave, after which time we will not have a high enough income to be granted a loan to buy/build a house big enough for the brood.

So, I have tentatively organised a family-friend-handyman-type to come and do a weeks work on the house, painting, tidying up gardens and generally getting the place prettied up for sale. This is a win win for us, as we can let him go and know that he will do a great job and know exactly the types of things to do which will make the place more appealing to the buyer, but also no costing us the earth in the meantime.
I am happy, the boy is getting over the fact that I am ‘replacing’ him and the house is appreciating the de-cluttering I am giving it in preparation!

The Kids
The kids are doing really well at the moment, although Jackson has just gotten over a cold/cough type bug, and Riley seems to be getting it now. Jack was involved in the State Indonesian Speaking Competition ‘Sayembara Lisan’ again this year, and several weeks ago he was chosen as a finalist for the region. Mum trundled him off to Melbourne last week for the state finals, and GUESS WHAT? He came 2nd!!!!
We are so proud and excited for him, and next month we take hime to Melbourne for a presentation!

The boys are going to have two days at a little school out of town this week, so Gerard and I are each taking a day off work to spend with them at the school and get a feel for it to see if we feel it would be a better environment for our kids. It’s such a big decision, and we don’t want to get it wrong, but we both feel that we need to make a change, as we are not completely satisfied that their schooling is exactly what we want for them. Fingers crossed this feels right!

Tegan is going well at school too. She has exams this week, and has been studying really hard. Gerard and I are proud of her for taking her schooling so seriously this year. I must remember to tell her so.

Anyway, this is one huge post, so I will leave it there, but back soon!

Love always,
Charli xoxox

Well, finally the wait is over! We saw it today, our little bubba to be!

I have been SOOOO stressed the past couple weeks that something might be wrong, and especially since my manager decided to take it upon herself to tell everyone at work. I have barely had an appetite which is just unheard of for me (I LOVE food!), and lost about 3 kgs in the past week and a half.

Anyhow, the little monkey was kicking around all over the place, making it difficult for the poor ultrasound lady to get his heartrate! I say 'his', as even though the technician would not give anything away, I reckon I have seen enough ultrasounds of little boys to make out the little thingy between his legs! I will be shocked beyond belief if I am wrong...but I guess you just never know. I'm definately sticking to my boy theory though, as I have had a really strong boy vibe right throughout the past few weeks since we found out we were expecting.

Introducing the little 'Freckle' (This is the nickname Gez has been using for it since I was devouring chocolate freckle lollies a few weeks back!)


I called Julianne to let her know, and she let slip that she's having another little girl...so much for my boy vibes for her. Come to think about it maybe I should not be quite so definate about my hunches....?