I have to fess up here and admit that I got Gez to take this shot for me - after several unsuccessful attenpts in front of the mirror in the bathroom I gave up!
Today I wore my new earrings! I LOVE birds, and almost every piece of jewellry I own has a bird/birds on it. My lovely friend Anna has clearly picked up on this, despite knowing me for only a short time compared to some of my other friends, and gifted these lovely doves to me after a trip away with her family. just love them xx

In other news, today is Tegan's 16th birthday!! I cant believe the changes we see in her since she arrived into our family almost two years ago. She walked into our home a child - younger than the number of her years, at 14, I often compared her with an eleven year old in maturity. She has certainly grown and changed so much, and we cant imagine our family without her...except maybe quieter - she has taken to listening to classic rock and playing on her guitar extremely loudly in her room lately, lol!

As you may well know, our gorgeous foster-daughter Tegan has been part of our family for just over 13 months. She's the first child we've had in our care over the age of 5, so a fifteen year old was a big leap for us back here in June 2009.

We were excited but daunted at the prospect of adding the dreaded teenager to our family, what with two impressionable little boys, both of us working and me studying, and other respites in the planning to boot. When our agency called us in desperation, knowing I am a youth worker, but despite us having put our names down for under 5's only,I called Gez expecting a flat out NO. Instead got an affirmative to the placement, which left my insides trembling all the way home from work that crazy day, wondering what on earth we were signing ourselves up for.

I will not lie, it has been F#&*^*g hard at times. We have had all sorts of issues, including wagging school, shoplifting, boyfriend issues, school problems (leading to a change in schools) and personality clashes (me and T/ Jackson and T) and a few tantrums (all of us bar Gez - the calm one in the family)

I have despaired over my ability to *be* so much for this kid, when I am not old enough to be her mother. I have considered (not sure how seriously) many times calling our agency to ask them to find someone 'more suitable' to care for a teenager.

It's been hard on the kids at times too. Jackson and Tegan have very similar and therefore clashing personalities. They are both passionate, chatterbox, never-stop-to-think-before-you-act-or-speak, intuitive and very clever. They find all those traits irritating in each other and they bicker...alot! They also adore each other, passionately, and when they're not fighting, they are rolling around on the floor playfighting, or jumping on eachother for huge bear hugs. Both of which often lead to more bickering.

We are strict with our expectations of her.
We question ourselves every time we need to make a decision regarding discipline, curfews, parties, sleepovers, pocket money, mobile phones, time spent with friends, leaving her alone at home during the day etc etc etc.
She rebels, she whinges, she sulks.
We worry about the decision we made and if it was to strict or lenient.

I recieved an article at work the other day. It was from an industry information group I subscribe to, and essentially delete almost everything they send me (shhhh dont tell)
However this article struck a cord.

In brief and amongst other things, it spoke about the placement of teenagers into residential care (group homes) due to the lack of foster families available, and the impact that these places can have on the development of young people, and the setbacks they can experience each time a new young person is placed in a home where others are already established.

This article makes me look at what we do and smile. It makes the hard times worth all the effort and energy we expend. It makes me proud that my family can have the opportunity to make such a big difference for this child.

It reminds me that in 12 months, we have gained a new family member, sister, daughter, grand-daughter and niece. We have played a huge part in supporting her to form great new frienships and a wonderful first half of the year at a new school (her 7th in 10years) We have helped her deal with issues which came from the 14 years she spent at home, and we have become role-models for a different life.

Most of all, it reminds me that if we didn't say YES to that call in June last year, our beautiful girl would probably have been placed in residential care. She would probably be dealing with these issues, instead of with us, where her needs are considered along with out other children when making decisions that may affect them.
Where we strive to ensure that she has access to the best healthcare and education that we can possibly get her.
Where she is part of a family, like a regular kid, and not a house full of teenagers, all of whom have thier own issues and torrid backgrounds of abuse and neglect.

THAT is what makes it all worthwhile.

This past couple of weeks have been incredibly hectic. Gerard’s father has had a brain tumour removed and is recovering in Hospital. It has been very touch and go the past 10 days, as he lost feeling in his throat, and got a lung infection, so has been in ICU at St Vincent’s Private for the past 10 days out of 15 in hospital. He will be in Melbourne a couple more weeks yet, and then be transferred to a local hospital if all is going well. Hopefully, by the time he is well enough to come home, their new house will be built, and he can go straight into it, where he is close to us and the hospital, and away from the cold, out-of-town farmhouse they are in at the moment.

News on The Bump:
I am beginning to get a little bump, but it’s not very noticeable yet. I was getting a bit frustrated last week, as people from work would ask how far along I was, and then say “14 weeks? You don’t even have a belly yet” and "Shouldn’t you be bigger by now? My *daughter/niece…insert relevant pregnant family member here* is only *insert smaller number of gestational weeks than I here* weeks and she’s much bigger than you”

For goodness sake, can’t people just say I look lovely, or, well, nothing at all? I was not only getting annoyed at my ‘lack of swelling tum’ but also vaguely alarmed that so-and-so’s sister’s husband’s cousin, who is ONLY 11 weeks along, is soooo much bigger around the middle than I, and did that mean that there was something wrong with my baby?

Anywho, I have consoled myself with more than one block of Cadbury Coconut Rough chocolate, and the knowledge that it will only be another couple of months and those same people will be giving their opinions about just how many babies I might
be carrying in my *huge* belly!!

The House
So, the next big thing is our not-so-big house (a cosy, three bedroom Californian Bungalow style house) and how exactly we are going to accommodate our not-so-small-and-ever-growing family.

Gerard usually manages any refurbishing type jobs around our home, from plastering and painting, to gardening, building outdoor entertainment areas and mounting spas. However, I decided that with all that he has on his plate at the moment while his father is ill, it is just too much to ask him to get our house ready for sale as well.
I’ve been getting a little stressed about this, as I only have four and a half months left of work until I take maternity leave, after which time we will not have a high enough income to be granted a loan to buy/build a house big enough for the brood.

So, I have tentatively organised a family-friend-handyman-type to come and do a weeks work on the house, painting, tidying up gardens and generally getting the place prettied up for sale. This is a win win for us, as we can let him go and know that he will do a great job and know exactly the types of things to do which will make the place more appealing to the buyer, but also no costing us the earth in the meantime.
I am happy, the boy is getting over the fact that I am ‘replacing’ him and the house is appreciating the de-cluttering I am giving it in preparation!

The Kids
The kids are doing really well at the moment, although Jackson has just gotten over a cold/cough type bug, and Riley seems to be getting it now. Jack was involved in the State Indonesian Speaking Competition ‘Sayembara Lisan’ again this year, and several weeks ago he was chosen as a finalist for the region. Mum trundled him off to Melbourne last week for the state finals, and GUESS WHAT? He came 2nd!!!!
We are so proud and excited for him, and next month we take hime to Melbourne for a presentation!

The boys are going to have two days at a little school out of town this week, so Gerard and I are each taking a day off work to spend with them at the school and get a feel for it to see if we feel it would be a better environment for our kids. It’s such a big decision, and we don’t want to get it wrong, but we both feel that we need to make a change, as we are not completely satisfied that their schooling is exactly what we want for them. Fingers crossed this feels right!

Tegan is going well at school too. She has exams this week, and has been studying really hard. Gerard and I are proud of her for taking her schooling so seriously this year. I must remember to tell her so.

Anyway, this is one huge post, so I will leave it there, but back soon!

Love always,
Charli xoxox

Gez is away this week until Friday, so I'm holding the fort on my own till then (with some help from my grandma, who comes in the morning before I leave for work to walk the boys to school)

I've had to be super organised after a couple weeks of being lazy and letting Gerard do most of the cooking, and laying in bed as long as possible in the morning ;) So, I menu planned on Saturday evening as per usual, but with particular focus on making life a little easier for myself while Gez is away. All these meals I can either throw in the slow cooker in the morning before work and they're pretty much ready when I get home, or they only take me a short time to throw together while the boys are having showers.

Thought i'd share;

Monday: Apricot Chicken with Rice and stirfried greens

Tuesday: Slow cooker Corned silverside with boiled carrots and potatoes, lightly steamed
Broccoli and Zucchini and corn on the cob

Wednesday: Dinner at the Chinese resteraunt for Tegan's birthday

Thursday: Lentil, Pumkin and Chickpea curry with Rice, pappadums and green salad

Friday: Slow cooker Lamb, Vegetable and Barley Soup with crusty home-baked rolls (I make my own and they are a huge hit with the kids!)

Saturday: Roast Vegetable Ravioli with creamy pumpkin, pesto and roast capsicum sauce

Sunday: Chicken Parmagiarna with steamed vegies and garlic mash

So far I'm going great! The house is tidy, kids ready by the time Grandma arrives, and I'm out the door by 8am :)
Tonight is Tegan's birthday dinner. She loved waking up to a special breakfast 'party' this morning, and especially loved her gift from us, a digital camera. She's been really interested in photo imaging on her laptop lately (each student in her year level gets an Applemac from school)
so it was the perfect gift!!
We have a respite on the weekend, as well as Tegan's birthday party on Saturday evening, a camp-out at the farm with 5 friends from school! Should be interesting :)

that my poor bloggy is going to get a bit neglected this year.

I have had an assignment due every week for the past three weeks, and after next week they will be fortnightly. Aargghhh!! Lucky I have Deb to study with or...well, I dont know what I'd do.

Kids are back at school after the holidays. Jackson is tantrumming like a trooper, and we're looking forward to seeing the paediatrician next month to ask about a few things, the tantrums being only one of many, including a strange tic he seems to have developed. I'm worried, but all I can do is wait until the 28th May. Will be getting his ears tested though before then.

Riley's been super sensitive lately for some reason..might be Jack's tantrums actually??
I only have to say something in a stern voice and he dissoves into a crying, snotty mess in his room, and thinks quote 'you hate me because you used an angry voice'' unquote
Usually I'm not even the least bit cross, just making a point, like;
"now, no-one gets out of bed tonight ok?" or the like. It takes ages to settle him down, my little Mr Sensitive. Bah, I'm baffled!

Tegan got a great school report, which i'm stoked about! She's doing great aty school, and we can really notice the difference in her frienships and behaviour since moving to the new school. It's amazing!

Mum and Dad offered Gerard a day a week work on the farm. It's getting beyond Dad, he is not the most amazing farmer..I really think he should've been an engineer actually. So, Gerard is going to try and get a day a week off work...not sure of his chances. maybe I'll sacrifice a day each weekend and let him do it then. It would mean extra money anyway.




I wee'd on a stick the other week, and it was positive, so another funny little mite is one the way. Great timing really, as I was planning to take time off next year anyway, but I was a bit devestated to find out that Rachel won't be home when it's due. Four children. What am I going to do? Lucky I get paid maternity leave from work! Haven't told the kids yet...they're gonna flip!


TRY to be back soon :)

Charli xoxox

As you are aware, Tegan entered our family in June 2009 through Child Protection, and DHS have recently successfully gained a 12 month custody order through the court process. We were hoping for a guardianship order, but unfortunately that was not accepted.
So, all going well, Tegan will stay with us for at least another year. Which is wonderful.

She does however, present us with challenges, just like any child, and of course any adolescent! This journey is not without it's difficulties, and we are all constantly coming up against the challenge of adjusting to the changes in our lives that comes with the territory.

Tegan is used to being the eldest child, and Riley the youngest. Jackson, however has become the 'middle child' for the first time. It is a difficult thing to know how best to deal with, and he and Tegan clash more often and with more intensity than any of the rest of us.
This is not to say that they don't get along, because they do, and Jackson adores Tegan. They are very similar in spirit often causing conflict!
We deal with this as we try to deal with everything that comes up against us, with love and patience, but believe me, this is often difficult.

Something a little amusing that Tegan and I come up against (apart from regular 'battle of the wills' in relation to internet time, acceptable standards of bedroom tidiness and music volume) is how to explain our family to others.

Some of my friends will introduce Tegan as one of my children. This is often met with looks of disbelief and confusion. You see, I am only 25, and Tegan is 14 lol. I'm definitely not old enough to be her mother and nor do I look it (good Dutch genes that make me appear far younger than my actual age - I still get asked for ID when purchasing a bottle of wine...with car keys in hand and a child in tow lol).
We find this amusing and it is our little inside joke. One where we catch each others eye and give a secret little grin. It works.

Other friends don't know how to introduce us, or strangers ask us if we're sisters, or if Tegan is my daughter.
This is where it gets a little difficult and awkward sometimes. You see, we sometimes don't know what exactly to say.

Usually, I say 'Tegan lives with us' or 'Tegan is part of my family' and mostly, people accept this, and move on. Sometimes though, people dig deeper, and want to know more, understand the connection.

Obviously, we have no desire to blurt out Tegans situation to strangers or acquaintances, but I find it really hard to lie, and say that she's my sister or niece (for this is really the only believable option given the age thing.)

I'd love to know what other foster families do in this situation, but I don't know any others who care for teenagers, and I don't think the same issues would apply, as most would be older people, and strangers would assume they are the carers own children, as they do when we care for babies and young children. I think we are probably somewhat of an isolated case...

Outside of the square, just the way I like it!

I was REALLY looking forward to 2009 last Christmas and the months leading up to the end of the year. I had huge expectations of 2009. We were going to make a decision about having more children, buy a new car, start Therapeutic Foster Care and go camping more, amongst other things.

The year certainly did not deliver all these things in the way I expected, but somehow, we have managed to cross a few off the list.
It has been a difficult year in some ways. We have faced some challenges, but reaped the rewards of commitment and dedication.

We brought a new car, it's beautiful and I love that we can fit the kids in easily now, and any extra's we happen to have as well.
We did not do much camping, but we went to Tasmania in August, and the beach a couple of times during the year, enjoying time together.

We did not start Therapeutic FC or make any decisions about having a baby, but did gain our fifth family member in our beautiful Tegan. She has presented us with many challenges, but teaches us so much every day about life, love and the gift of sharing. We just got another 12mth custody order in court, so looking forward to another year with her.

Our boys have grown so so much, I just cannot believe how they have changed over the past 12 months. I love them to bits, and am in awe of their beautiful souls, which have embraced Tegan, and several other children into our family over the past year, and all with a tenderness I could hardly have imagined of hope for. They make me brim with pride. I heart them!

My beautiful husband..how I adore you. I could not ask for anyone better to share these amazing children of ours with, to love and nurture our foster children with, and to wake up next to each morning. I love you now more than ever. Thankyou

So now, 2010.
It has struck me that in contrast to last year, I really do not have any big expectations for 2010. However, here are a couple of ideas....

I would like to be healthier.
In the past few months I have lost 5kg at weight watchers, but stopping the program as I felt it was causing me to put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself.
I have now signed up for a 6 week outdoor fitness program through the Gym in Jan/Feb. I hope that this will improve my general fitness,and help tone up some problem areas...ahh, YOU know all about those, don't you....(?!?!?)

I hope to take on more foster children. I'm not sure exactly what this will mean for us. My working limits how much it is practical to take on, but I thrive when surrounded by children, and feeling that I am making small differences to their lives.

I want for us to make an informed decision about our children's schooling, and whether or not to home-school. I am leaning more and more in this direction, and hoping that if it is what we choose, we will find support in our family and friends.

So, here we are. 2010.
This has been an enormous decade for me, but an amazing, incredible journey. I can only hope that I can make the next one just as good!

My time is almost up! I go back to work tomorrow with a little trepidation. My reluctance stemming from wanting to be home nurturing my kids and husband.

If I could possibly afford to stay home, I would in a heartbeat. My baby is off to school next year :( He's been going to transition days at school the past few weeks, and thoroughly enjoying his time in the prep class. Despite our worries about his age (Ry won't turn 5 until Feb 23) he seems completely at ease, and all of our teachers are confident that he's ready and will be fine at school. I am also feeling confident, but also doubting myself a little.

Have I done the wrong thing working full time over the past two years?Would I be best to be home in his first year of school?
Hmm, I guess we make these decisions because they seem the best choice at the time, and there's nothing I can do to go back and change it, but I do wonder what to do from here, and whether my choice will be one I regret later?

I've had a lovely two weeks off, and have achieved many of the things I set out to do while at home.
Over the past two weeks I've;

• spent time at Kinder with Riley
• cooked yummy meals for my family (Gez does a lot of the cooking when I'm working)
• had the kids dental work done,
  
• drank wine, went out for dinner and had quality time with my husband
• had the dreaded meeting with 'B' (will update later)
• Had a 'girls day' or two with Tegan (clothes shopping and to see New Moon)
• read The DaVinci Code (finally), Angels and Demons and am partway through The Lost Symbol
  
• brought Christmas presents for the kids (don't even ask, it was nightmarish!)
  
• caught up with friends.

I also;







We are completely flat out until Christmas now, which will be spent at our house, with my parents, brother, sister and grandmother for lunch, before heading off to Gerard's parents farm for the last Christmas there before the move into town next year.

Next weekend we have M for respite again, and the following we're off to the Mornington Peninsula for a short beach break with my parents and siblings from Wednesday to Sunday. I'm looking forward to another little break, and then I have time off between Christmas and new years, before a long haul of School holiday activities at work for the last three weeks in January.
The guilt thing hits then, as the kids will spend most of their holidays either in daycare (school has a holiday program) or with their grandparents.

I know they will be fine, and take it all in their strides....they have before. And I know that my working allows us to take holidays with them and have nice things, but sometimes it seems a little ironic, that when I'm at work, I'm saving my annual leave and money to spend time with my kids, while I could be staying home, and spending time with them.

If I'm honest, I also know that working keeps another part of me content, the part that craves to use my brain, to make a difference somewhere other than within my home, and to spend time surrounded by learned adults. So, it's really not all about the money, but still, I struggle with the balance .

Do you struggle with these dilemmas? What do you choose? Work, Family, a mix of both?
How do you justify the decisions? Do you worry you might regret them?


Charli xo