Well, the holidays are over. My boys went back to school on Friday, and Tegan starts again on Monday.
After several weeks of anxiety around how I might manage three kids and a new bub by 'myself' (while Gerard is at work) all holidays, in actual fact we have had a wonderful time together, without incident.
I am proud of the effort I made to bond with each of my children individually, and to ensure we had plenty of fun activities to keep us entertained and enjoying each other's company. Tegan and the boys have spent time getting to know their baby brother, and in turn, he has gotten to know them. Over the past 8 weeks since Felix was born, we have all settled in nicely together as a family.

Now, school is back, and again after investing so much into my children - and reaping the rewards of well behaved, well mannered children who respond to me in a positive way, I find myself hesitant.
Who decides how much 'institutionalised' schooling our children need? Is six hours per day, five day per week really neccessary for them to grow into educated adults? Why not four hours a day, or three days a week?
I feel it is too much. Too much time away from 'primary caregivers' (especially in the infant years prep/kindergarten to grade two) too much time gaining influence from peers the same age, and not a range of ages. Too much time wasted while other children are disciplined or need extra help with work.

I wonder why there is not a choice. If there were, I would certainly consider having my children home an extra day or two each week. I certainly see the benefits of the schoolhouse environment - I'm not questioning that, it's the lack of choice parents have with regards to how many hours our children spend there. Is the current requirement simply based on the needs of working parents, or is there researched evidence that children actually need to be in school 32hours each week?

I am going to be looking at our options, now that we are on the tip of the iceburg with Jackson's ASD diagnosis. (OT report indicated definate difference in three out of five sensory processing areas) We meet with the Paed shortly to see what he comes up with.

I know, I know, I'm back already! This must be a record for me!

This pregnancy has gone soooo fast, like I blinked and missed it! I am noticing things I never noticed with the other two pregnancies, like how utterly exhausted I am, and people's reactions to my ever-expanding mid section!
I got a bit of a shock the other day when out getting supplies for Jackson's birthday dinner, at how many people in stores gave me that 'extra special smile'. I'm not sure if it's because you look so maternal, or if it's because they feel sorry for you, but either way, I'm starting to get them lol!

As well as 'the smile', I've begun to recieve extra special treatment when queueing at the supermarket. People take one look at my tum, and feel the need to let me through, and the other day I even had one of the store atendee's look for the fastest queue for me...wtf? Others see me loading my car, and ask if I need a hand, of hand me my shopping bags and say 'will you be alright with those'
It's all part of it I guess, but for goodness sake, I have a whole 7 weeks to go, do I really look like I can't manage 10 rissoles and a kilo and a half of sausages Mr Butcher?

It is interesting to note though, that I didn't really notice this extra attention when I was pregnant with the other two. Maybe because I was such a 'Young Mum' then (17 with Jackson and 19 with Ry)?
Maybe that's why I sound a little ungrateful for all the attention - I'm not, really, but, you know it feels a tad strange that I would be treated so differently this time, just because I'm a few years older....

Anyhoo, here's me and the Freckle at 33 weeks: ('scuse the crappy iPhone pic)

As you may well know, our gorgeous foster-daughter Tegan has been part of our family for just over 13 months. She's the first child we've had in our care over the age of 5, so a fifteen year old was a big leap for us back here in June 2009.

We were excited but daunted at the prospect of adding the dreaded teenager to our family, what with two impressionable little boys, both of us working and me studying, and other respites in the planning to boot. When our agency called us in desperation, knowing I am a youth worker, but despite us having put our names down for under 5's only,I called Gez expecting a flat out NO. Instead got an affirmative to the placement, which left my insides trembling all the way home from work that crazy day, wondering what on earth we were signing ourselves up for.

I will not lie, it has been F#&*^*g hard at times. We have had all sorts of issues, including wagging school, shoplifting, boyfriend issues, school problems (leading to a change in schools) and personality clashes (me and T/ Jackson and T) and a few tantrums (all of us bar Gez - the calm one in the family)

I have despaired over my ability to *be* so much for this kid, when I am not old enough to be her mother. I have considered (not sure how seriously) many times calling our agency to ask them to find someone 'more suitable' to care for a teenager.

It's been hard on the kids at times too. Jackson and Tegan have very similar and therefore clashing personalities. They are both passionate, chatterbox, never-stop-to-think-before-you-act-or-speak, intuitive and very clever. They find all those traits irritating in each other and they bicker...alot! They also adore each other, passionately, and when they're not fighting, they are rolling around on the floor playfighting, or jumping on eachother for huge bear hugs. Both of which often lead to more bickering.

We are strict with our expectations of her.
We question ourselves every time we need to make a decision regarding discipline, curfews, parties, sleepovers, pocket money, mobile phones, time spent with friends, leaving her alone at home during the day etc etc etc.
She rebels, she whinges, she sulks.
We worry about the decision we made and if it was to strict or lenient.

I recieved an article at work the other day. It was from an industry information group I subscribe to, and essentially delete almost everything they send me (shhhh dont tell)
However this article struck a cord.

In brief and amongst other things, it spoke about the placement of teenagers into residential care (group homes) due to the lack of foster families available, and the impact that these places can have on the development of young people, and the setbacks they can experience each time a new young person is placed in a home where others are already established.

This article makes me look at what we do and smile. It makes the hard times worth all the effort and energy we expend. It makes me proud that my family can have the opportunity to make such a big difference for this child.

It reminds me that in 12 months, we have gained a new family member, sister, daughter, grand-daughter and niece. We have played a huge part in supporting her to form great new frienships and a wonderful first half of the year at a new school (her 7th in 10years) We have helped her deal with issues which came from the 14 years she spent at home, and we have become role-models for a different life.

Most of all, it reminds me that if we didn't say YES to that call in June last year, our beautiful girl would probably have been placed in residential care. She would probably be dealing with these issues, instead of with us, where her needs are considered along with out other children when making decisions that may affect them.
Where we strive to ensure that she has access to the best healthcare and education that we can possibly get her.
Where she is part of a family, like a regular kid, and not a house full of teenagers, all of whom have thier own issues and torrid backgrounds of abuse and neglect.

THAT is what makes it all worthwhile.